Anonymous said...

In the past few years a lot has happened. I went from not really knowing if I believed in God to hating God (if he was real) because of something bad happening, to wanting to believe in him. There are days that I want to believe in God and be close to him more than anything in the world, but I can't believe in him. Just like if someone you love tells you something that you don't believe. You want to believe them but you just can't get yourself to. How can I believe in something that I can't believe is there?

When we talk about believing in something or someone there are at least two different things we mean. There is cognitive belief, that is mentally agreeing or trusting the idea of something. There is also experiential belief a deeper level of belief, which requires the experience of trust we place in people or things. In 2004 the Millau Viaduct opened to traffic in Southern France. Slightly taller than the Eiffel Tower the Millau Viaduct is the tallest vehicular bridge in the world. Now while I firmly cognitively believe in this amazing bridge, I have not had the opportunity yet to experiential believe in it. I do not deny the idea of it's existence. There seem to be less people that doubt it exists then doubt the moon landing. Mental belief for this structure seems to be strong on all fronts. If this bridge didn't exist, I'm sure a reporter would have broken the story in 2006 when it won an Outstanding Structure Award.

Yet in spite of overwhelming evidence and extraordinary cognitive belief that people world wide have for this bridge, there are those who will not or can not experientially believe in this bridge. Those suffering from Gephyrophobia (fear of bridges) have such extreme anxiety that they are often unable to actively believe in bridges. For these people, having to cross the Millau Viaduct would be their worst nightmare. Gephyrophobia is common enough that the New York Thruway Authority offers a service where people can call and have someone drive their car over bridges; an average of 6 people take advantage of the service each year.

With the coming of Christ, God walked the earth. People had the opportunity to cognitively believe in the person, while not actively trusting the things He said and did. With the coming of the Holy Spirit, the Life of God lives within those who are placing their active trust in Him. To actively trust in the Millau Viaduct I have to surrender myself to it. I can read all about it, I can even watch others cross, but until I place my weight on it I am not actively trusting it. I am not believing in it.

It sounds like you think you need cognitive belief in God, before you experience active trust in Him. Since God primarily reveals Himself through those He now inhabits, He's inviting you to experientially believe in Him. He's inviting you to take a step of faith and let go of what you are actively trusting in instead of Him. If you have witnessed the transformation His life has brought to others who are learning to place their trust in Him, then He's allowed you the second-hand experience of the love, joy, peace, and, power which He life can bring. However, until you actively trust Him for yourself, until you let go of anything else or anything else you are placing your trust in, you won't directly know the peace, love, grace, and power that His Life brings.

A huge frustration of mine is when people act like trusting Him is a one time event. There is often a moment of time when we begin to trust Him, often at extremely humbling moments when we're desperate enough to let go of our self-trust. However, after this initial moment of trust, we have to learn how to remain in Him. To experience His Life within us consistently, we have to learn how to remain in active trust. It's kind of like what I've heard learning how to downhill ski is like; it's all about learning to let go. The good news is that Jesus referred to the Holy Spirit as our Teacher, and if we learn to listen to Him, He can teach us how to rest in the power and Life of God.